Friday, December 23, 2005


Kimmy saw Chelsea on the Moon.
Jim saw a girl who reminded him of Regan at school.
Victoria saw nobody, and still baked some cookies.
Carson saw Brooke's mom at work.
Dana saw Tommy at the Buffet.
Jessica saw Lizzy and Hayden and their 4 year old at Target.
Jen saw John and Carson at the mall.

O! Merry holidays,
Where we meet the bane of years
In our own old homes.
High school lunch room dropouts
Shop with eyes to the floor.
Career wielding exes.
Stragglers retreat under a banner
Of leavings soon
To their cozy go nowhere.
Palm Sunday December,
Glorious reappearing,
Merry awkward well-met.

Currently Listening:
The Greatest
By Cat Power

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Jello J's Birthday Mix [mix seven]

01. Birthday - The Beatles
02. Getting Plenty - The Stone Roses
03. Blibberin' Blabbin' Blues - Gino Parks
04. Rock Lobster - The B-52s
05. This Town Ain't Big Enough For The Both Of Us - Sparks
06. Fa Ce La (fucked vers.) - The Feelies
07. Shake Your Rump - Beastie Boys
08. Authentic Hip Hop - Kali Wild
09. The Way We Get By - Spoon
10. Lola - The Raincoats
11. The Night We Called It A Day - Celso Fonseca

Track by track

Birthday by The Beatles
from "The Beatles (White Album)"
Well of course. I mean, duh. It's his birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YA! My mom had this track played on the local hits station the morning of my 13th birthday. It was rad.

Getting Plenty by The Stone Roses
from "Garage Flower"
Joel introduced me to the Stone Roses. I don't think he's heard this track before.

Blibberin' Blabbin' Blues by Gino Parks
from "The Complete Motown Singles Vol. 1"
I should have married Jimmy Joe. He owns a barbershop next door. The frank confessions in this jumpy, raggy blues freak-out make me smile. (Gino Parks is male.)

Rock Lobster by The B-52s
from Christine
She sent it to me via AIM. Apparently she's done the same thing with about 3000 other people in this town over the last couple of days because I keep hearing it. I wouldn't put it past her. I don't mind though. This song rules. LET'S ROCK!!!

This Town Ain't Big Enough For The Both Of Us by Sparks
from "Kimono My House"
Wacky. Like Joel-wacky. I like Joel-wacky. Yeah, Joel, you're wacky. I like it. (I link because who knew these guys were still around? If they can keep going this long how come we can't have more Weird Al Yankovic?)

Fa Ce La (fucked vers.) by The Feelies
from "Crazy Rhythms"
One Tuesday earlier this year, Joel and I rushed up to each other and said real quick all at the same time "OhmygodhaveyouheardthisbandTheFeelies??????" We'd both read the feature on AMG that morning, and were excited. Understandably so. This version is cut off funny, which is a total fuck-up on my part, but it's still damn good.

Shake Your Rump by The Beastie Boys
from "Paul's Boutique"
Who cares why? Dance, fucker! It's your birthday!

Authentic Hip Hop by Kali Wild
from Oh No's "The Disrupt Chronicles Vol. 2"
It's a pretty good track, a little choppy because it's hacked out of a smashed up mixtape by Oh No and I'm a lazy sonofabitch. I can't ruin a track this good in any case, so whatever. "Fuckin' up your brains with words."

The Way We Get By by Spoon
from "The Way We Get By EP"
"We go out in stormy weather. We rarely practice discern." & "' that's the way to my heart, the way to my heart."

Lola by The Raincoats
from "The Raincoats"
This is perhaps the song that is the most fun to sing along with of all time. Also, Jello J loves the women (and the women love the Jello) so it tickles my funnybone that it's a girl singing this track. Also also, more gender confusion = more better.

The Night We Called It A Day by Celso Fonseca
from "Natural"
Mood music, your after party, and a beach all in one song. Sets the stage for disc 2 (which you online folks will NEVER SEE).

Thursday, December 15, 2005

documentary of a day in failure

Today I didn't do my laundry.
I packed the duffel bag I usually take to Wildcat Wash Well, scooped out four loads' worth of laundry detergent, and made sure to pack a crossword puzzle and some dryer sheets. The huge bag will sit directly in front of the door to my hovel all day because I won't even go outside today. I will wear dirty clothes tomorrow.

Today I didn't do my dishes.
This is a continuation of sorts, seeing as I haven't done all of my dishes (the sink hasn't been clean) in over two months. Oh, they rotate in and out of the stainless steel antfarm sunk into my kitchen counter, but never all at once. But usually I'm able to avoid the flatware alltogether and just order pizza. I got calzones from Magpie's last night. Unless something went horribly wrong last night that I'm not yet aware of, there's still half a 7 cheese calzone and some breadsticks I can eat right out of the box later on.

Today I didn't pay my student loan bill.
For a while I thought I was deferred until the middle of next year. For a while I thought I only owed so much. Then, like only a true moron can, I opened the Sallie Mae envelope I found on my stoop last night and found out I owe hundreds of dollars by the end of next week and a good 20% more altogether than I previously thought.

Today I fell asleep six times.
I'm not talking about nodding off on the bus or cat-napping at work or something. Today I crawled into my bed six times and fell into a hard sleep. It's hard to fail like that six times in one day.

Today I didn't apologize to Linda.
The monor who dropped off my calzones last night--despite repeated verbal warnings and precise instructions--knocked on Linda's door out front at 10pm instead of coming around back like she was supposed to.

Today I didn't talk to my grandfather.
He'll be gone soon, and my father is pressuring me to make like he's the most incredible person on the face of the earth just because he hooked me up with some hard cash when I graduated from high school. He's crochety, and always has been as far as I can remember, even when he wasn't sick. And he hates my mother, which shows whenever he talks to me.

Today I kicked over my space heater.
I woke up this morning to a campy, comfortable smouldering smell coming from the foot of my bed. Almost burning your house down but not is a pretty big failure in my book.

Today I didn't follow up on dubya's raincheck.
She was feeling sick the other night, so we postponed. But I've been moping all day and my tummy's been upset, so when she called I ignored it and didn't call her back.

Today I blurted out a big secret.
Boy, and right in front of the person I wasn't supposed to tell. There's no taking that shit back, short of reaching into the person's skull to lobotomy. Maybe I can forget it myself if...

Today I shoved the first three fingers of my right hand into my skull through my eyeball.
Now everything's really fucked up.

Currently Listening:
Chopin's Etudes Op. 10 & 25
By Maurizio Pollini


Monday, December 12, 2005

my favorite poem about me

by Lars Bonerack

It seems to me
Miss Tiffany
That Carson is soon to be
What you so long to see:

There's certainly more of him around.

Mind his face
And biking pace.
Outlined and traced
He's taking up more space:

There's certainly more of him around.

To him
Nothings better
Than raw batter
Dishes all a clatter

Can't you see? Carson's getting fatter.
There's certainly more of him around.
context: Tiffany wanted to see more of me around & Lars was feeling like an asshole.

Currently Listening:
...Arrive Having Eaten
By Pinback

Sunday, December 11, 2005

one for John John

So I finally had the Cap'n'Crunch at Grill tonight. I'd heard about this phenom before: It's supposedly the biggest bowl of Cap'n'Crunch imaginable. If you haven't had it, go ahead and imagine the biggest bowl of Cap'n'Crunch you can. It was almost that big.

I was served a pasta bowl (you know, the kind that has the broad brim and the wide, wide bowl) piled high with crunchy golden nuggets and a tall glass of milk. It looked like they'd poured out an entire box of Cap'n'Crunch onto my plate. I opted to only pour a bit of the milk in at first, and dug down deep to get the drenched quickly mushy bits below. After ferreting out most of these, I added a bit more milk and proceeded in a similar fashion through most of the rest of the bowl.

However, as I neared the end I lost my concentration (hard not to, reading lines with such a talented and beautiful actress right across from me) and dumped the rest of the milk in with the rest of the cereal. Shortly thereafter I realized I was way past full and needed to quit spooning delicious mouthfuls of crispy golden treasure into my slavering maw. You'll please appreciate the courage needed to do this. To leave any Cap'n'Crunch in the cereal bowl and declare oneself finished is a hard-fought and ignobly won battle in a man's life. However I did stop shoveling, and at that point I was left with a small mound of near-chemically pure sugar quickly dissolving into a grainy mush six shades of yellow off white.

This concoction had all of the makings of a superb sculpting material, but it ran a bit thin. The realization dawned on me as I palsied through another five pages of sex montage that I shouldn't have used all of the milk made available to me. In an attempt to shore up my potential material I mashed up any remaining crunchiness with my spoon. I had hope that once the undissolved bits dissolved I'd have a better medium to work with. Though soon enough, as we tore through the last few pages of the surreal script, I was forced to accept that I would not be able to reduce my paste to the desired viscosity before we must up and leave.

Woe! On my night, the one where I asked her and she said yes and then she asked me and I of course said yes, where we got to walk and talk and eat and talk and drive and sing and read and act, I couldn't finish the Cap'n'Crunch. I left a big tip, a full ashtray, and what could have been the greatest ever work of Cap'n'Crunch art (in so many different ways) uncompleted on that damned table, and then I made her take me home.

Currently Listening:
Greasy Heart
By The Thin Man

Monday, December 05, 2005

Fenlason Flair [mix six]

DECEMBER 3, 2005
01. ?
02. ??
03. ???
04. ????
05. ?????
06. ??????
07. ???????
08. ????????
09. ?????????
10. ??????????
11. ???????????

Ok, first of all, before we really get into the tracklist here we must consider the fact that the only physical copy of this mix is in the posession of my Human Resources Manager at work. I accidently gave it to him when he bummed me a smoke too early in the morning.

The copy he got was on a blank CD-R. Wait, that doesn't quite work; I hadn't written anything on the CD-R. Damn, that doesn't work either. Let's try this: I had not marked on the top of the CD-R with any sort of permanent marker, pen, or other handwriting tool, nor had I printed any labels to sticker on top of the CD-R. There. So he didn't know any of the track names, and he might have only recognized a couple of the bands by their sound.

That's the feeling I want before we talk about the mood and sequencing and all that. Got it?

I'm not really gonna say anything else about what's on this mix. The mood and sequencing don't matter because nobody knows what's going on here, not even me. Just listen.

PS -> if you really want to know, then find out.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Dear Mandy,

I find you attractive.

Now, that's a relatively vague statement about my (granted my humanity) obviously complex emotional state. Allow me to elaborate.

I enjoy spending time with you. The thoughts that I have when I'm around you are pleasant thoughts. They're often funny thoughts, and I find myself laughing out loud when I'm around you. You're wit is terribly attractive, and is indicative of your considerable intelligence.

Many times, however, the thoughts I have about you are lustful. You arouse a physical attraction in me that burns with ardent passion. Your form is graceful and beauty is defined by the look of your eye.

Perhaps similar emotions are aroused within yourself when you are around me, and perhaps similar thoughts are on your mind. If this is the truth, you should stop reading this right now and come over. We can then reconcile our shared metaphysics with our physical bodies.

Perhaps, however, you think about shoes when I'm around. I wear yellow ones, and they catch your eye and before you know it your mind has wandered about exotic high-heel knee-high red-soled boots or delicate calf sandals or even just a nice, comfy pair of Reefs. Perhaps you don't think similar thoughts to mine when we share company.

If this is the case, do not despair our relationship. This confession to you is temporal in nature, frozen throughout time from now until forever but representative of me only at one time--right now. My thoughts, they change. I grow, I develop, I am not the I of yesterday.

I resemble he (slightly stubblier, alas) in looks and good intentions alone. My thoughts are independent of his, and my feelings tortured one moment and serene the next.

I know your good nature is constant. If you despise this slip of mine desire please let me know, but do not make me go. Keep me on in good faith, and I will be goodly faithful to you. I respect you, and desire your company in any context.

You should read my weblog--I say this all much better there.


Currently Listening:
By Gescom

Thursday, December 01, 2005

KAMP fire [mix five]

01. The Sea & Cake - Lamont's Lament
02. Kaada - Burden
03. The Talk - Worst Chest Pains
04. Call Florence Pow - 3 & 4 Part Tones
05. Built To Spill - Car
06. Camera Obscura - Eighties Fan
07. Vicious Vicious - Oh, I Would Do Anything For My Girl
08. Tangiers - I Don't Love You
09. Loose Fur - Elegant Transaction
10. Brian Straw & The 6/7 - Now Like Photographs
11. Destroyer - The Music Lovers

My time hosting a radio show or two at KAMP was frequently spent browsing the stacks and reading dusty reviews of obscure college radio music when I wasn't in charge of the decks or abusing a microphone.

Usually, by the end of a browsing session I'd have a stack of "I want this NOW!" albums that I'd then get about halfway through burning before falling asleep or passing out or forgetting about them.

I'd take the copies home, and listen to them once through before stashing them carefully in one of a few large black CD binders. Except for the occasional alphabetical stretch, these binders are organized in no particular order.

Other times, when I wanted something cool to air for the show and I'd run out of my own stuff to play (hard to imagine, I know) or wasn't happy with the top 10 new albums, I'd browse the other new stuff. Not surprisingly, most of it was crap. On the rarest of occasions, I'd come across a gem of an album. Slightly more frequently, an album would have one track that was designated as must play.

Possibly my smartest idea in college was to collect these tracks onto burned discs that I labelled with dates and peppered throughout the binders.

My last source for this mix are the albums I wrote reviews for during this same period. Most of the time, I got the stuff that came highly recommended but nobody ever heard of before. Much of it was hype, but the occasional track was fun; those I pushed hard while touting the entire album as genius so other DJs would play my reviews.

Anyway, tonight I went through those binders and picked out the memories. This mix is the result, and I have no idea what to think about it. These tracks don't go together at all, and sequencing them was a real bitch. But they're all still intimately connected in my mind, sorta like how Rob reorganizes his albums biographically.

These songs are, perhaps, the quintessence of my taste in music. They're all just super-catchy pop songs, in and of themselves. Outside of that context they don't relate, they don't sound good, and they mean almost nothing. It irks me that there's no rap and no country and not really any electronica or any kind of variety between them, really.

There's no accounting for taste, I guess.