Thursday, December 15, 2005

documentary of a day in failure

Today I didn't do my laundry.
I packed the duffel bag I usually take to Wildcat Wash Well, scooped out four loads' worth of laundry detergent, and made sure to pack a crossword puzzle and some dryer sheets. The huge bag will sit directly in front of the door to my hovel all day because I won't even go outside today. I will wear dirty clothes tomorrow.

Today I didn't do my dishes.
This is a continuation of sorts, seeing as I haven't done all of my dishes (the sink hasn't been clean) in over two months. Oh, they rotate in and out of the stainless steel antfarm sunk into my kitchen counter, but never all at once. But usually I'm able to avoid the flatware alltogether and just order pizza. I got calzones from Magpie's last night. Unless something went horribly wrong last night that I'm not yet aware of, there's still half a 7 cheese calzone and some breadsticks I can eat right out of the box later on.

Today I didn't pay my student loan bill.
For a while I thought I was deferred until the middle of next year. For a while I thought I only owed so much. Then, like only a true moron can, I opened the Sallie Mae envelope I found on my stoop last night and found out I owe hundreds of dollars by the end of next week and a good 20% more altogether than I previously thought.

Today I fell asleep six times.
I'm not talking about nodding off on the bus or cat-napping at work or something. Today I crawled into my bed six times and fell into a hard sleep. It's hard to fail like that six times in one day.

Today I didn't apologize to Linda.
The monor who dropped off my calzones last night--despite repeated verbal warnings and precise instructions--knocked on Linda's door out front at 10pm instead of coming around back like she was supposed to.

Today I didn't talk to my grandfather.
He'll be gone soon, and my father is pressuring me to make like he's the most incredible person on the face of the earth just because he hooked me up with some hard cash when I graduated from high school. He's crochety, and always has been as far as I can remember, even when he wasn't sick. And he hates my mother, which shows whenever he talks to me.

Today I kicked over my space heater.
I woke up this morning to a campy, comfortable smouldering smell coming from the foot of my bed. Almost burning your house down but not is a pretty big failure in my book.

Today I didn't follow up on dubya's raincheck.
She was feeling sick the other night, so we postponed. But I've been moping all day and my tummy's been upset, so when she called I ignored it and didn't call her back.

Today I blurted out a big secret.
Boy, and right in front of the person I wasn't supposed to tell. There's no taking that shit back, short of reaching into the person's skull to lobotomy. Maybe I can forget it myself if...

Today I shoved the first three fingers of my right hand into my skull through my eyeball.
Now everything's really fucked up.

Currently Listening:
Chopin's Etudes Op. 10 & 25
By Maurizio Pollini


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